I’m finally doing it. Way overdue, and feeling a bit ashamed of myself, but…I’m finally doing it.
I tell you, those first steps into a gym had my heart beating fast, and all the imagined dragons rearing their fire breathing heads and threatening me with anxiety. I parked the car, sat there a minute and then just got out, locked the door, and went through the doors. I was expecting a crowd of folks fitter, leaner, and stronger than myself. I was prepared to feel like I’ve felt all these years, even before escaping gym classes in school, that I just can’t measure up. You know that they call that?
Yep, OVERTHINKING! Creating scenarios in our heads that in reality…just don’t exist! It’s all in one’s head!
I think that’s how it is for those of us who are driven in many ways, but not driven to do things like…go to the gym.
It was fine. Turns out, there were only 2 of us in that class. Same with the second class! Wait! I can do this! No one laughed, no one pointed. I’ve completed four whole strengthening workouts…and I didn’t die, of embarrassment or overwork! My body would say otherwise, but nah.
Next class, 4 people, and the 4th class I attended, 3 people. I love this! I’m getting that important 1:1 from the coaches, critiquing my form, encouraging me, and I’m getting to meet like minded folks, who aren’t that different from myself.
So, the fire breathing dragon in my mind was more of a…skink.
That’s how things go, isn’t it? We make a big deal out of something in our heads, conjure up these scenarios, have reactions to the scenarios, letting the dragons come crashing into a crescendo of brain noise…only to find out, this dragon is nothing more than a little blue tailed skink, no bigger than our thumb, completely harmless. Hyperbolic, really.
If anyone can learn any one thing from me, it’s just to do.it. Just do it.
This is where I find myself after having a heavy (sic) conversation with myself, my daughter, my therapist, a good friend or two, about whether I should seriously consider starting on a GLP-1. Because the biggest (another sic) repercussion of the soul crushing sadness and consequent depression I’ve just clawed my way away from, is the thirty odd pounds I’ve gained in the past two years. I look at pictures from 2021 and I’m wondering where that girl went. Why did she leave? Who is this bloated caricature of her? It doesn’t really matter. What matters is the work I’m doing now. It’s been pointed out to me that while GLP’s seem like this magic pill of amazing weight loss, it may not be without its own repercussions. No one knows yet, what those might be, because they’re too new. We’ll know more 10 years down the road, but for now, it’s just a big unknown void of miracle weight loss. And if you quit them, nine times out of ten, the weight comes right back. I’m not willing to be a GLP-1 guinea pig right now. I don’t want to feel this way again, after losing all the ground I gained before. I guess that means I just have to do the work.
Just.do.it.
There really is no silver bullet that can replace The Work.
I say this, as I am working a night shift, and plan to hit a class in the morning, and then a riding lesson in the afternoon, get some sleep and go to work again.
This is The Work, and it’s not hurting me, no matter what the dragon says.
What Darlene Says... 